Cheese is the Wholliest of foods. Few mortal men can fathom the mysteries of cheese-making, and – as is proper – cheese has it’s own furniture and flatware. Cheese is the sacrament. Cheese is a veritable mystery, and is part of the Wholly Taxonomy (Beer, Cheese, and Monkeys).
Eating Cheese has been scientifically proven to vastly ameliorate one’s Good Times Quotient, especially in the presence of Jacob’s Cream Crackers. (Side note, true Chians butter the dimpled side of the cracker.)
Thou shalt partake of cheese whether ’tis the Caerphilly, the Stinking Bishop, or the Feta. All cheeses are sacred, and should be consumed in a manner befitting. Therefore, the slathering of cheese on a crude sandwich before the noon hour is abhorrent and apostate.
CHEESE BEFORE NOON IS A SIN.