On Sumerology

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The practice of Sumerology can be confusing, daunting, frustrating and even frightening; but true Chians know Good Times can be found in abundance by the cautious, disciplined practitioner.

Few people know that the book of Genesis exists mostly in Sumerian form, although there are some Assyrian texts. Of especial import is the accounting of the Great Flood, one of the most Highly Improbable occurrences of all time.

Büyük AÄŸri is alleged to be the resting place of the Noachian ark, the floating coffin-zoo (“tabut”) that saved mankind from a god’s horrific disinfection. However, few know that the Ahora Covenant was also found there in proto-Sumerian cuneiform.

The Ahora Covenant is considered a sacred text by the CHI, and although no-one can verify or testify to its’ origin, the intent – the message iself – holds huge value to modern day Chians.

The CHI preaches the methods used to consistently ensure a high Good Times Quotient, the measure by which any Chian values him (or her) self. While the Church endeavours to find new and interesting ways in which to satisfy this need, the Ahora Covenant serves as the basis for these activities.

As translated from the pictograms found in Ahora Gorge (Mount Ararat):

“God’s Sacrificial Covenant Of The Sky-Bright Bow, Go Forth, Procreate, And Be Fruitful.”

(We assume the “Sky-Bright Bow” to mean rainbow, as described in Genesis 8. The Qur’an in Hud makes no mention of the rainbow, and instead depicts Judi as the final resting place of the ark, so we will concentrate on the covenant alone.)

Go forth. Procreate. Be fruitful. Many who hear this assume the three are inextricably intertwined, that in fact one should go forth, procreate and be fruitful. This is wrong.

Go forth. Procreate. Be fruitful. These are three separate instructions. While going forth to fruitful procreation is of course a remedy for Bad Times, the opposite of going forth is coming back – and coming is often a lot harder than going, especially when there are barriers to change.

Therefore, Sumerology is a skill highly valued by the Vice Pope, and the Church admonishes all Chians to heed the Ahora Covenant. Go forth into the world and enjoy all it has to offer. Procreate, remembering that the memories you leave for others are also your offspring. Be fruitful, create, bring, achieve, do.

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