Join The Church

The First Universal Church of Knowledge is the Church of the Highly Improbable’s galactic arm, and it has come to our recent attention that many of you, despite being inducted into the Church against your knowledge and/or better judgement, have not paid your tithes. As the perceivable universes’s’s one true religion, it is your sacred duty to observe the Three Rules Three, to ameliorate your Good Times Quotient, and to pay your tithes. In the name of Havarti, the Bun, and the Wholly Toast, join us and give us this day our daily Bread Rolls. Together in Crust.

Declare your intent to Ameliorate your Good Times Quotient, become a Chian today.

Of course, no-one can truly “join” the Church, as by mere dint of existing in the Perceivable Universe everyone is already a member. This helps us cut down costs by saving on paperwork and baptism fees, savings we pass on to you, the adherent, directly.

Of course, there are members, and there are members.

One of the fastest ways to reducing your Probability of a Tithe Adjustment Interdiction is by affiliating with the Church Organisation directly. This lets the Church keep a friendly, benevolent eye on each member. To do so follow these steps:

  1. Say “I will observe the Three Rules Three” three times.
  2. Say “I will question the rules” point one four times.
  3. Visit our wholly-owned subsidiary Robert Space Industries and notify us of the above. Click the big “Join Us Now!” button. Bottom right. Yeh. That one.

If you seek a more Embrightened path and wish to pursue a career in Gallybagging or indeed if you wish to become fully ordained please contact a Reeking Deacon in our official communications channels either on these discussion board area post objects, or this interactive live customer service chat system. Help our members swell, affiliate today!

(Membership of the Church of the Highly Improbable/First Universal Church of Knowledge does not imply protection from Reeking Deacons. Payment of Tithes is optional. For tithe adjustment services please contact your local Stinking Bishop. Non-payment of tithes does not infer the right to ignore the Three Rules Three. Ignorance of the Three Rules Three does not constitute nor provide immunity nor does it provide a valid defense. By joining the CHI you commit to increasing your Good Times Quotient, removing all toenail clippers from your abode and/or vessel, the renunciation of eating cheese before noon, and the observing of the Wholly Day. These terms may change at any time.)