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Do you wish your fellow man showed more respect to the sacred cheeses of the universe? Does the sound of toenail clippers clicking drive you to burst of murderous violence? Do you believe the Good Times should Roll? Do you ponder the mysteries of the Possible, the Probable, and the Highly Improbable?
The First Universal Church of Knowledge is the Church of the Highly Improbable’s galactic arm, and it has come to our recent attention that many of you, despite being inducted into the Church against your knowledge and/or better judgement, have not paid your tithes. As the perceivable universes’s’s one true religion, it is your sacred duty to uphold the Three Rules Three; to ameliorate your Good Times Quotient; and to pay your tithes.
The Church of the Highly Improbable has existed since the very first spark of existence took hold in the perceivable universe. As guardians of the Possible, the Probable, and the Highly Improbable, members of the Church (“Chians”) learn to experience the universe through the wonder of perceived reality.
The Church believes in one thing and one thing only â€“ the universe is infinite. (As you progress along the Chian path you will find that technically the Church doesnâ€™t even believe that on a regular basis, but we have to start somewhere…)
If you can truly accept as fact that the universe is infinite, you must consider that in an infinite universe, given enough time, over an infinitude of possibilities, anything is Possible. Of course, given the sheer bloody hugeness of what we’re talking about most things are Highly Improbable.
Remember: religion is not an exact science.
His Wholliness the Vice Pope beseeches you to join the Church to further the reach of the knowledge of the Highly Improbable. And to pay your tithes.